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        <title>Christian Droulers :: I am not invincible</title>
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            <h1>Christian Droulers</h1>
            <h2>Agile and flexible programmer</h2>
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            <h2>I am not invincible</h2>

<h3>Joy</h3>

<p><aside>
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        <li><a href="/writings/i-am-not-invicible">Sorrow</a></li>
        <li>Joy</li>
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<p>How long has it been? Two, maybe three months since I started writing this. I
did succeed; I cried, she cried ‒ I knew she would ‒ , I screamed at the top of
my lungs into the woods. But I succeeded and it’s over. We’re back together and
though I haven’t got the chance to try anything, I’m glad it’s that way. I just
could not bare not feeling her breath through mine, her skin brushing against
mine. I lost those thoughts now. I want to prove that I’m different even if I
know I’m not. I want to become less human. Get those stupid feelings out of my
mind. But the more I try, the more I feel different. I regret saying things, I
get spine chills when I’m moved by stories, by moments, by words, by images, by
kisses. I even almost cried over a movie yesterday. I hate it and love it. I
love to feel these chills, I feel good afterwards. But I hate to become
something closer to a human.</p>

<p>I might not have changed my life the way I really wanted it, but I’ll have to
make do. I try new things. I stopped thinking ahead so much. I try to live in
the present, like I used to tell everyone while I ‒ being the hypocritical
bastard I am ‒ did not even do it. I try to have fun, and it works! For all of
this, I have two people to thank.</p>

<p>Camy, I thank you for being there for me this summer. I would probably have
gone bad if it wasn’t for our three hours conversation until late in the night.
If I hadn’t seen you smile and heard your laughter, if I hadn’t talked about
things I never dared say before, if hadn’t smiled because you are so cute... For
helping me take decisions and live my life, I thank you. I dare say it now, you
are my best friend and I love you.</p>

<p>Julie, I thank you for being able to deal with me and my fucked up emotions,
I’m still sorry for what I made you go through and I only hope it never has to
happen again. I’m grateful you could hear my complaints and be there for me when
I needed you. I’m sorry I lied about my feelings. But our relationship is what I
like to call special and it was really hard, and I mean REALLY hard, to decide
to break it up, even if it only lasted a week and a half. But I guess it was all
worth it because now I know. I know that I love you. I love you from the bottom
of my heart, and I hope I never stop.</p>

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